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Many articles and stories (mostly if not exclusively written by women) have spoken about the decline in marriages, citing the alleged fact that – due to the economy and the fact that there are more women graduating college and in the workforce than men – that there are now fewer men who are “marriage material.” What these pieces basically do is imply that, since fewer men are high earners or hold degrees, most women are deciding that there are fewer men out there that will make suitable partners and choosing not to settle down or marry. Rarely do these same authors ever challenge how women determines if a man is “marriage material” and if it’s justified or accurate….Something else rarely factored in to this equation is the number of women out there who, themselves, are totally emotionally ambivalent and unavailable. Fear of commitment isn’t just for men any more.

I think this is happening, but not necessarily for the reasons that Moxie cites. We used to live in a time where it was expected that everyone would get married, and most people eventually did (or were the “confirmed bachelor” (often gay) or “old maid/spinster” (occasionally gay, or unattractive). If you were a woman, you didn’t really have any way to support yourself, and so it was expected that you would go from your parents’ care to your husband’s care, with that transition happening in your early 20s at the latest. Then you would start producing offspring, and would be a housewife until the kids were grown. So you needed to find a good provider, and if you did, you were more likely to overlook his failings (such as infidelity). A few women found the wherewithal to buck those trends, by developing the means to support themselves, refusing to marry unless they fell in love, or by risking societal judgment and financial ruin by leaving bad marriages, but most went along with the program.

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